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Check texts for gaslighting, manipulation and control
Paste messages from your ex or co-parent. Each one is checked against the same wording rules Verity's full report uses, 18 warning patterns from gaslighting and DARVO to threats and financial control, right here in your browser. You see which messages matched, the words that matched, and what each pattern means. You can also check your own reply before you send it, to see how a judge might read it.
Checked here on your device. What you paste is not sent anywhere and not saved — closing the page clears it. Only have screenshots? Read them on the full check.
How the check works
- The same rules as the full report. Each message is compared with Verity's phrase lists, with the same exceptions: a quoted phrase or one you disown (“I'm not saying you're crazy”) does not count, and a short “ok” counts as stonewalling only after a long message from the other person that wasn't a question.
- On your device. Nothing you paste is sent, saved or logged. The optional meaning check downloads a small language model to your browser and runs it there. To see for yourself, turn on airplane mode once the page has loaded: the check still runs.
- No score. A handful of messages can't carry a fair score, so the quick check shows matches only. The full analysis scores the whole conversation.
- Measured, not guessed. On test messages the rules were never tuned on, the phrase rules caught 14 of 59 abusive messages, and the meaning check raised that to 24 of 59 while flagging 1 of 37 ordinary ones. So a flag is worth reading closely, and no flag is not a clean bill of health. The methodology page has the details.
What it looks for
Stonewalling
Refusing to engage, shutting down communication, or giving the silent treatment.
Gaslighting
Manipulating someone into questioning their own memory, perception, or sanity.
DARVO
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — flipping accountability back onto the accuser.
Coercive Control
Using control, surveillance, and restriction to dominate a partner.
Love Bombing
Overwhelming affection, flattery, or declarations of devotion used as manipulation.
Blame Shifting
Deflecting responsibility for one's own actions onto the victim.
Minimizing
Downplaying the victim's feelings, experiences, or concerns.
Triangulation
Involving third parties (exes, friends) to create jealousy or insecurity.
Threats
Explicit or implicit threats to harm, leave, expose, or punish.
Explosive Anger
Sudden, disproportionate outbursts of rage, often to intimidate.
Character Criticism
Attacking the person's character rather than addressing specific behaviors.
Contempt
Expressing disgust or superiority — mocking, sneering, eye-rolling in text.
Defensiveness
Deflecting criticism by counter-attacking or making excuses.
Emotional Manipulation
Using guilt, pity, or emotional leverage to control behavior.
Isolation Tactics
Attempting to cut the victim off from friends, family, or support networks.
Future Faking
Making promises about the future with no intention of following through.
Financial Control
Controlling access to money, cards or accounts, demanding justification for spending, or withholding support as leverage.
Deflection
Redirecting accountability by bringing up unrelated grievances or changing the subject.
It also notices healthy signs, such as apologies that take responsibility, thanks, empathy and calm boundaries, so you see both sides of the messages you paste.
If you need to reply
Each flagged message has a short, calm way to answer, if an answer is needed at all. They follow the BIFF approach many family lawyers suggest: brief, informative, friendly and firm, written as if a judge will read it. They are fixed templates, not AI, and you fill in the brackets. A threat gets safety advice instead of a reply. More in our guide to how family courts read co-parenting messages.
What a few messages can't show
Some of the clearest patterns are in timing, not words: ten messages in a row with no reply, anger when you don't answer within minutes, or contact right after you asked for space. Others only matter because they repeat for months. Pasted lines have no dates, so the quick check can't see either. The full analysis reads the exported conversation in your browser the same way, with every message's date, and shows a free preview before you pay anything. If you haven't exported it yet, the export steps cover iPhone, Android, WhatsApp, Messenger and more.
Questions
Is the text checker free?
Yes. There is no account, no email and no limit on how many times you use it. Each check reads up to 300 messages; for a whole conversation, upload the export to the full analysis, which has a free preview.
Is what I paste private?
Yes. The check runs in your browser and the page has no step that sends your text anywhere. Verity logs only that a check ran and roughly how many messages were flagged, never the words. The optional meaning check downloads a small language model to your browser instead of sending your messages out.
Can I check for myself that nothing is sent?
Yes. Once this page has loaded, turn on airplane mode or switch off Wi-Fi and mobile data, then paste your messages and press Check. It still works, because the check runs on your device. The optional meaning check needs the internet once, to download its model to your browser; after that it runs offline too.
What does it look for?
The 18 wording-based warning patterns used in Verity’s full report, including gaslighting, DARVO, blame-shifting, threats, coercive control, isolation, contempt, character criticism, minimizing and financial control, plus healthy signs such as apologies, thanks and empathy.
If nothing is flagged, is the conversation fine?
Not necessarily. The phrase rules catch common wording, not every way of saying something hurtful, and some patterns show only over time: floods of messages, demands for replies, or contact after being asked for space. Those need the whole conversation with its dates.
Can I use the result in court?
The quick check is for your own understanding, not legal advice. A lawyer needs the whole conversation with every message’s sender and date. Verity’s full analysis reads an export and can make a PDF that numbers every message in date order.
Can I check my own message before I send it?
Yes. Switch to “My draft, before I send it” and paste your reply. It shows wording that may read as criticism, contempt, threats or blame, so you can say the same thing more plainly. Courts read both parents’ messages, so this is worth doing before anything tense goes out.
Does it work in Spanish?
Yes. Every warning pattern has a Spanish phrase list, and the meaning check switches to a larger multilingual model when a quarter or more of the messages are in Spanish.
Verity reads words and timing, not people, and is not a law firm. A flag is not a diagnosis of anyone and not legal advice. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.