Co-Parenting When There Is a Protective Order: What About Texting?
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
Read the order's exact words before anyone sends anything. Some orders forbid all contact; some allow contact only about the children, or only through a named co-parenting app, a lawyer or another person. "It was just about the kids" is not a defence if the order doesn't allow it. If you are unsure, ask your lawyer or the court before contacting anyone. Whatever the order allows, keep every message, and report any contact the order forbids.
Children still need schedules, school forms and doctor's visits. The order sets how that happens.
What to look for in the order
- Whether any contact is allowed at all, and between whom.
- Whether contact about the children is carved out, and in what form: text, email, an app, a third party.
- Rules for exchanges of the children: where, when, and who hands them over.
- How long the order lasts, and whether a custody order says something different; ask your lawyer which applies.
If contact about the children is allowed
- Use only the channel the order names, and keep messages to the children's logistics.
- Short, factual, no comments about the case or the relationship.
- A co-parenting app keeps a record both sides can't change; see court-approved co-parenting apps.
If you are the protected person
Messages that break the order are evidence: don't reply, don't delete, and report them as the order or your lawyer directs (see showing messages to the police). Messages after a filing often turn on you; see DARVO after a protective order filing.
Keeping the record
Verity reads your export in your browser, without uploading it, numbers every message in date order and flags threats and contact after a clear request to stop, each with its date. For using messages in the hearing itself, see text evidence for a protective order.
This is general information, not legal advice. Follow your order exactly and ask your lawyer if anything is unclear. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
Keep every message in order
Drop in your export and read every message numbered in date order. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.