Manipulation Patterns in Text Messages
Love bombing, triangulation, weaponized incompetence, stonewalling — these patterns have names because they're recognizable once you know what to look for, and they read more clearly in writing than they feel in the moment. This page organizes what we've documented about each pattern, with real examples of how it shows up in an actual text thread. Looking for gaslighting or DARVO specifically? Those now have their own dedicated guides — see below.
Why these patterns matter for evidence
A single message rarely proves a pattern on its own — that's true whether you're dealing with coercive control broadly (see our coercive control guide), a specific named pattern like gaslighting or DARVO, or one of the tactics below. What matters is frequency, escalation, and consistency across a full thread, not a handful of screenshots. Naming the specific pattern also helps when explaining a conversation to an attorney, evaluator, or judge who hasn't lived through it — “this is DARVO” or “this is weaponized incompetence” is a lot more useful than “they're just difficult.”
Core manipulation patterns
Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics in Text Messages
Seven tactics that show up more clearly in writing than in the moment — moving goalposts, minimization, intermittent reinforcement, and more.
Signs of Covert Narcissism in Text Messages
Covert narcissism reads quieter than the overt version — performed victimhood, backhanded concern, and silent withdrawal instead of confrontation.
Relational tactics
Love Bombing vs. Harassment: How to Tell the Difference
Both can look like "too many messages" from the outside. The difference is in timing, and what happens after you ask it to stop.
Signs of Triangulation in Co-Parenting Text Messages
Pulling a child or third party into adult conflict. Six ways triangulation shows up in a co-parenting thread.
Weaponized Incompetence in Co-Parenting Text Messages
Performed helplessness with logistics can offload responsibility onto the other parent while looking blameless. Seven ways it shows up.
What Does Stonewalling Look Like in Text Messages?
The "evidence" is an absence — no reply, no engagement. Eight ways stonewalling actually shows up in a real thread.
Reactive Abuse: When Your Response Gets Used Against You
One heated reply, screenshotted out of context, can get used to reframe who the real problem is.
Documented abuse types
Signs of Emotional Abuse in Text Messages
Not one named tactic, but a steady undertone across months of otherwise ordinary messages. Eight signs to look for.
Signs of Financial Abuse in Text Messages
Financial abuse hides in normal-sounding requests about money. Eight patterns to look for in your own threads.
See also
See which patterns show up in your own thread
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