My Ex's New Partner Keeps Texting Me About Our Child. What Do I Do?
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
Stay polite, keep it short, and keep decisions about your child between you and your co-parent, in writing. Answer a new partner about logistics if you need to, then send the same details to your co-parent so they are on record with them too. Check what your custody order says about communication, save every message from both of them, and don't get pulled into arguments with someone who isn't a party to your case.
It often starts small: a missed school event, then “from now on, contact me, I keep his schedule.” Some new partners are genuinely trying to help. Either way, here is how to keep things calm and keep a clean record.
Why keep it between the two parents?
Your custody order is between you and your co-parent. When plans are made through a third person, it gets hard to show later who agreed to what, and your co-parent can say they never knew. Keeping decisions in your thread with your co-parent, in writing, means the record shows both of you saw the same plan.
If your order names a co-parenting app, use it for everything about the child. See court-approved co-parenting apps.
What do you say to the new partner?
A first reply
“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll keep messaging [name] directly about [child], so we’re both working from the same plan.”
If it keeps happening
“I’m going to keep decisions about [child] between [name] and me. If something is urgent on your end, please ask [name] to contact me.”
If it’s about a pickup or an emergency
Answer the logistics plainly (time, place, who is coming), then send the same details to your co-parent so it is on record with them too.
Keep the tone you would want a judge to read: brief, informative, friendly, firm. The gray rock method helps when messages are meant to provoke. The free text check can read your draft before you send it.
What should you save?
- Every message from the new partner, in the original thread, with dates.
- Your replies, including the ones redirecting them to your co-parent.
- The messages with your co-parent that confirm (or don't) what the new partner said.
- Missed events and changed plans, noted the day they happen.
Export the conversations instead of screenshotting parts of them; see getting texts ready for court and documenting missed visitation. If messages turn hostile or won't stop, read how to prove harassment with text messages.
Common questions
Do I have to communicate with my ex’s new partner?
That depends on your custody order or parenting plan, so read what it says about communication. Many parents keep decisions about the child between the two parents and treat a new partner as someone who can help with pickups, not someone who negotiates the schedule. A lawyer in your state can tell you what your order requires.
Should I block my ex’s new partner?
Think before you do: a block can mean missing a message about a pickup or an emergency. Many parents keep the number, answer only logistics, and save the messages. If the messages are hostile or won’t stop, that is a different situation; keep everything and talk to a lawyer.
Can texts from a new partner be used in court?
Messages you received can be part of the record, like any others, if they matter to your case. Keep them in the original thread, export the conversation rather than screenshotting only parts of it, and don’t delete your replies.
This is general information, not legal advice. Verity is not a law firm. Your custody order and your state's law decide what is required; ask a lawyer about your case. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
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