How-To

How to Prove Harassment With Text Messages

Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity · Published Oct 24, 2026

Short answer

No law sets a number of texts. Harassment laws look for a pattern (“repeated” messages or a “course of conduct”) sent to alarm, annoy or torment you, with no legitimate purpose. To prove it, keep the whole conversation, ask once in writing for contact to stop if it is safe, and show what came after: dates, counts and words.

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A judge won't scroll through your phone. They will want to know what the messages say, how many there were, when they came, and whether they kept coming after you asked for them to stop. Here is what the law looks for and how to lay the messages out so the pattern is plain.

How many texts is considered harassment?

No law sets a number. Harassment and stalking laws describe a pattern instead: “repeated” messages, or a “course of conduct”. Federal stalking law, for example, defines a course of conduct as two or more acts that show a continuing purpose (18 U.S.C. § 2266). What turns repeated messages into harassment is the rest of the definition: why they were sent, what they say, and whether they served any legitimate purpose. Two examples:

Texas makes it a crime to send repeated electronic messages, texts included, in a manner reasonably likely to harass, annoy, alarm, abuse, torment, embarrass or offend, when the sender means to do that. It is a Class B misdemeanor (Texas Penal Code § 42.07).
California's civil harassment order, when it rests on a course of conduct, needs a knowing and willful pattern aimed at you that seriously alarms, annoys or harasses you, serves no legitimate purpose, would cause a reasonable person substantial emotional distress, and did cause you that distress. The judge has to find it by clear and convincing evidence (Code of Civil Procedure § 527.6).

The count alone can fall short. In State v. Waters (Vermont Supreme Court, 2013), a man under a no-harassment order sent his former partner about 37 texts in 37 days. None were threatening; many said he was lonely or wanted to get back together. Under the definition the court applied, the texts had to be the kind that would make a reasonable person fear for their safety, and the court said their frequency alone could not show that. It ordered an acquittal. Vermont amended its stalking definitions in 2016, but the lesson travels: show what the messages say and what they did to you, not only how many there were.

What if it's an ex or a co-parent?

When the messages come from an ex, a partner or the other parent of your child, most states have a domestic violence protective order for that, separate from a general harassment order, and each state decides what counts. California's version, for example, covers “disturbing the peace” of the other person: conduct that destroys your mental or emotional calm, and the law names text messages as one way it can be done (Family Code § 6320).

Co-parents usually have a legitimate reason to text about the children, so a judge looks at what goes past it: the number of messages, the hours they arrive, insults and threats, and messages that have nothing to do with the kids. Judges sometimes order parents to communicate only through a co-parenting app, which keeps its own record, and texting around an order like that can become a problem of its own (more on that).

What does a judge look for in the texts?

What they say. Threats, insults, sexual comments, and threats about the children or your job.
How many, and when. Messages per day, bursts with no reply in between, messages in the middle of the night.
A clear “stop”, and what came after. The date you asked them to stop gives the judge a line to count from.
No legitimate purpose. Messages that are not about the children, money you owe each other, or anything else you need to settle.
What it did to you. Changing your number, missing work, not sleeping. Many definitions ask how the contact affected you, so write it down as it happens.
Who sent them. The number or account, and how you know it is that person; see how texts are authenticated.
Your side too. Judges read both sides of a conversation, and an angry reply gets quoted back (why that happens).

How do you prove harassment with text messages?

1.If you are in danger, call 911

A threat of harm is an emergency. Call 911 first; everything else on this list can wait until you are safe.

2.Keep every message, and don't delete or edit any

Keep the whole conversation, your own replies included, and keep the phone. Save it before you block the number: an iPhone does not deliver messages from a blocked number, so later ones will not be on your phone.

3.If it is safe, ask once in writing for the contact to stop

Keep it short and calm, for example “Do not contact me again.” If you share children, say what contact is still fine: “Only about the kids, and only through the co-parenting app.” Then stop replying to anything else. If answering this person could make things more dangerous, talk to an advocate first.

4.Export the whole conversation

An export saves every message with its sender, date and time, in order, so nobody can say the worst ones were picked out of context. Screenshots of the worst messages are a good addition, not a substitute.

5.Count it, and write a one-page timeline

Note the date you asked them to stop, how many messages came each day before and after it, and the worst messages with their dates. Dates and counts are what make a pattern obvious to someone reading it for the first time.

6.Keep a dated log of everything else

Write down calls, voicemails, visits and messages sent through friends, and what it did to you, such as changing your number or missing work. Write each entry the same day.

7.Take it to the right place

The police, if you think it is a crime; the courthouse, for a protective order (the clerk or the self-help center can tell you which order fits); and your lawyer, if you have a custody or divorce case.

Export steps for each phone and app are in our export guides; on an iPhone with no computer, start with saving a whole conversation. For the log, our co-parenting log guide has a free template. If the messages threaten you, read what to do about threatening texts too.

How does Verity show the pattern?

Drop the exported conversation into Verity and it is read in your browser; nothing is uploaded. The free preview shows every message numbered in date order and the patterns it found; for an export it also shows, month by month, who starts conversations and how fast each of you replies. Three of the patterns look at timing as well as words:

Message flooding: five or more messages in a row with no reply, sent within an hour.
Contact after a boundary: three or more messages within a day after you wrote something like “stop texting me” or “leave me alone”, with no reply from you in between.
Demanding replies: “??”, “hello?”, “answer me” or “why are you ignoring me” sent while an earlier message is still unanswered.

Wording patterns such as threats are flagged too. The preview can also run your own messages through the same wording and timing checks, on screen only, so you see what the other side might point to. The $19 PDF numbers every message in date order. The $99 Standard and $149 Detailed reports quote each flagged message with its date, its number in the list, and the messages just before and after it. None of this is a legal finding that the messages are harassment; it is an organized record for you, your lawyer or an advocate.

Common questions

Is one text message harassment?

Usually not under laws that require repeated messages or a course of conduct. A single text can still be a crime on its own if it threatens to hurt you or someone close to you.

Is it harassment if they keep texting after I told them to stop?

It can be. A clear, written request to stop, followed by more messages, shows the contact was unwanted and gives a judge a date to count from. Whether it meets your state's definition still depends on what the messages say and whether they had a legitimate purpose.

Can a co-parent be harassing me if we have to talk about the kids?

Yes. Needing to talk about the children does not make every message acceptable. Judges look at what goes past that purpose: the volume, the hours, insults and threats, and messages that have nothing to do with the children.

Do I need screenshots or an export?

Both help. An export has every message with its date and time, in order; screenshots show the worst messages exactly as you saw them. Keep the phone too.

Laws and cases cited

Read on October 24, 2026. Laws change; check the current version for your state.

This is general information, not legal advice, and Verity is not a law firm. Laws differ by state and change; ask a lawyer, your court's self-help center or a local advocate how they apply to you. If you are in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and confidential: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

See the pattern in your own messages

See a sample first, or drop in your export for a free preview. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.

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