What to Do When Your Co-Parent Ignores Your Texts About the Kids
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
Ask once, in writing, with what you need and by when. If there is no answer, follow up one time, briefly, and then act on what the order says. Keep every unanswered question with its date, because a long run of them is a record of its own. Don't fill the silence with arguments; your messages will be read next to theirs.
A missing answer about a school form or a doctor's appointment is easy to dismiss once. Ten of them in a season, each with a date, is much harder to dismiss.
Ask in a way that can be answered
"Maya's school trip form is due Friday. Are you OK with her going? Please let me know by Thursday evening."
- One topic per message, about the child, with a date to answer by.
- No blame and no history; it only gives them something to argue with instead of answering.
- If your order names an app for co-parent messages, ask there.
If there is no answer
- Follow up once: "Following up on the trip form below. I'll need to send it Friday morning."
- Then do what the order allows. For day-to-day matters that may be your call; for decisions you share, such as school or medical choices, ask your lawyer before going ahead alone. See what unilateral decision-making means.
- Write down what happened next: who signed, who went, what the school or doctor was told.
Silence that is a pattern
Courts look at whether parents can communicate about their children. One ignored message is a busy day; months of questions about school, health and pickups left unanswered is something your lawyer can point to. Verity's free preview shows who starts conversations and who replies, and how long replies take, month by month, from the export's own times. It also flags stonewalling, such as curt replies that shut a conversation down.
Keep the record in order
Export the conversation now and then, not only at the end (iPhone, Android, or the steps for other apps), and keep a short log of what happened outside the texts (how to keep one). If the silence comes with refusals to share school or medical records, see when a co-parent won't share records.
Where does Verity fit?
Verity numbers every message in date order, free to read on screen, shows the reply-time table and flags patterns such as stonewalling, threats and demands for replies. Paid options are one-time: the numbered list ($19), or a report quoting the flagged messages ($99 Standard, $149 Detailed), with a page on who starts and who replies.
This is general information, not legal advice. What you may decide alone depends on your custody order and your state; ask your lawyer before acting on a shared decision. If you or your children are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
See who answers, month by month
Try the sample first, or drop in your export. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.