Texts About Drinking or Drug Use in a Custody Case
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
If the children are at risk right now, for example a parent about to drive them after drinking, call 911. Otherwise keep the messages as they are, in the whole conversation with their dates and times, and write down what you saw yourself. Texts can show what someone said and when; on their own they rarely prove that someone was drunk or high, so describe facts rather than accusing or diagnosing by text, and take a pattern to your lawyer.
A worry about a parent's drinking is a worry about the children's safety. The record should read that way too.
What texts can show
- Their own words: "I had a few, I'll get them in the morning", or an apology the next day.
- Timing: messages at 2 or 3 in the morning on nights they had the children.
- Missed or late pickups, cancelled plans and the reasons given at the time.
- Your requests: "Please don't drive the kids tonight; I can collect them." and the reply.
What they can't show
Whether someone was actually intoxicated. A rambling message can have other causes, and the other side will say so. What you saw yourself, written down the same day (slurred speech at the exchange, a smell, a car parked on the curb), adds to the messages; a court weighs all of it, not a single text.
How to write to them
- Stick to the children and what you need: "I'll drive them home tonight. Can you confirm?"
- No labels ("you're a drunk") and no threats; your messages are evidence too.
- Don't joke about your own drinking in messages either; see can my ex use my texts against me.
Keeping the record
Keep a simple log next to the messages: date, what happened, what you saw, who else was there (see how to keep a co-parenting log). Verity reads your export in your browser, without uploading it, and numbers every message in date order with its time, so a pattern of late-night messages or missed pickups is easy to see. It doesn't detect drinking or drug use, and can't tell whether anyone was intoxicated.
Missed pickups on their own: documenting missed visitation. Your lawyer can tell you what a court in your area can order when there is a concern.
This is general information, not legal advice. If the children are in danger, call 911. For help with your own or a family member's substance use, SAMHSA's National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357.
See the times in order
Drop in your export and read every message numbered in date order. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.