Future Faking in Text Messages: Promises That Never Arrive
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
Future faking is promising change or a better future to keep someone close, without the change ever coming: “I promise I’ll change”, “things will be different this time”, “just give me one more chance”, “someday we’ll…”. One promise is just a promise. Lined up by date, the same promises after each blow-up become a pattern you can show, which is why the whole thread matters.
The promise lands hardest right after a fight, which is also when it is easiest to believe. Read months later, in order, the same words often turn up again and again.
What it looks like
Made-up examples, each the kind of message the pattern is made of:
- “I promise I’ll change.”
- “Things will be different this time, I promise.”
- “Just give me one more chance.”
- “When things calm down, we’ll get the house.”
- “Trust me, I’ve changed.”
What it isn’t
Ordinary plans aren’t future faking (“I’ll pick them up Friday”), and neither is a real apology followed by real change. What marks future faking is the repeat: the promise comes after each incident, and nothing changes.
How Verity checks for it
Verity checks the other person’s messages against a list of promise phrases like the ones above, tested on a set of labelled example messages, and shows each one with the messages around it. Separately, it counts hoovering: a burst of hostile messages followed within days by an apology or “I miss you”. Together they show the cycle, with dates.
How to answer it
- You don’t have to accept or reject a promise. Judge it by what happens next, not by the words.
- Keep the promises with the messages that came before them; deleting either breaks the record.
- If there are children, answer only what is about them.
- See hoovering in text messages for the cycle these promises are often part of.
What a pattern check can’t do
It reads words and timing. It can flag a joke as an insult, miss cruelty that is politely worded, and it can’t say what anyone meant or diagnose anyone. Our methodology page sets out what Verity measured and where it falls short. Related patterns: love bombing vs harassment and narcissistic manipulation tactics.
Where does Verity fit?
The free preview flags this pattern alongside threats, gaslighting, blame-shifting and floods of messages, and lets you read every message numbered in date order. Paid options are one-time: the numbered list ($19), or a report quoting the flagged messages with their dates ($99 Standard, $149 Detailed).
This is general information, not legal advice or a diagnosis of anyone. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
Line the promises up by date
Paste a few messages into the free check, or drop in your export. Both run in your browser.