Right of First Refusal: Offers and Replies by Text
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
A right of first refusal is a clause some parenting plans include: if a parent can't care for the children during their own time for longer than a set period, they must offer the time to the other parent before using a babysitter or relative. Your plan sets the hours, the notice and how to respond. Make each offer in writing with the dates and times, ask for a reply by a stated time, and keep the conversation, so both the offers and the answers can be shown later.
Disputes over this clause are usually about who offered what, and when. Messages settle that.
Read your plan first
- How long an absence triggers it (for example, overnight or more than a few hours).
- How much notice the offer needs, and how long the other parent has to answer.
- Who handles transport, and whether family members count as "care".
Making the offer
"I have a work trip Thursday 6 pm to Friday 4 pm. Under the right of first refusal, would you like the kids for that time? I can drop them at yours at 5:30 Thursday. Please let me know by Tuesday evening."
Dates, times, the clause by name, transport, and a reply-by time. Nothing else.
Answering one
"Yes, I'll take them. Thursday 5:30 at mine works. I'll have them at school Friday morning."
A clear yes or no, in writing, by the time asked. Declining is fine; silence is harder to read later. For agreeing the details, see a schedule change agreed by text.
When the clause isn't followed
Note the date, what happened (a babysitter used without an offer, say) and how you found out, and keep the messages around it. A pattern is for your lawyer. Verity reads your export in your browser, without uploading it, and numbers every message in date order, so each offer and reply can be pointed to by number and date.
Other schedule questions: changing exchange times and missed visitation.
This is general information, not legal advice. Your parenting plan's exact words decide how the clause works; ask your lawyer.
Find every offer and reply
Drop in your export and read every message numbered in date order. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.