How to Get Your Ex to Stop Texting You, Without Losing the Record
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
Send one short, plain message: "Please stop texting me." If you share children, make it "Please only message me about the children." Then stop replying to anything else. Mute the conversation rather than deleting it, and check what blocking does on your phone before you block, so you don't lose the record. If you co-parent, move the conversation to a co-parenting app. If the messages keep coming after you asked, or turn threatening, talk to a lawyer about a letter or a protective order, and keep every message.
You can't make someone stop. You can make it clear you asked, and keep proof of what happened next.
The one message
- Short and plain: "Please stop texting me." No explanation, no history, no insults.
- If you share children: "Please only message me about the children, and keep it to the schedule."
- Send it once, in writing, so it has a date. Don't repeat it every time they write.
Then don't answer
Every reply restarts the conversation. If a message needs an answer about the children, answer only that, in one line. Long nights of messages are covered in message flooding, and whether to answer at all in should I respond to my ex's texts.
Mute, block, or keep?
Muting stops the notifications and keeps every message. Blocking can mean messages never reach your phone, or land in a folder you don't see, depending on the phone (see where texts from blocked numbers go). If you do block, export the conversation first; if new numbers start appearing, see texts from new numbers after blocking.
If you share children
You may not be able to stop contact altogether, but you can narrow it: agreed rules (see texting rules co-parents can agree on) or a co-parenting app (see court-approved co-parenting apps).
When it keeps going
Messages that keep coming after a clear request, or that threaten, are worth taking to a lawyer, who can tell you about a letter or a protective order where you live; see proving harassment with texts and text evidence for a protective order.
How Verity shows an ignored request
Verity reads your export in your browser, without uploading it, and numbers every message in date order. When you have written something like "stop texting me", "leave me alone" or "don't text me", and three or more of their messages follow within a day with no reply from you in between, it flags them as contact after a boundary, with the dates (see ignored boundaries).
This is general information, not legal advice. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
See what came after you asked
Drop in your export and read every message numbered in date order. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.