Is There an App That Checks Texts for Narcissistic Abuse?
Reviewed by Jacob Reed, founder of Verity ·
Short answer
No app can tell you whether someone is a narcissist. Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosis a clinician makes after assessing the person, and a tool that claims to diagnose it from texts is overreaching. What software can do is find the behavior people describe as narcissistic abuse in the words themselves: gaslighting, blame-shifting, DARVO, contempt, cruel-then-sweet cycles, floods of messages. It can also show each one with its date, so the pattern can be checked rather than just claimed. Verity does this in your browser; the free preview names the patterns and shows one flagged message.
The label is often the first word people reach for, and it can be a relief to have one. For a lawyer, a judge or a counselor, a dated list of what was actually said tends to be more useful.
Why no app should diagnose anyone
A diagnosis rests on an assessment of the person: their history, how they act across many settings, often interviews and tests. A text thread shows one side of one relationship, in writing. That is why Verity's reports don't label anyone; they list messages. In a custody case, calling the other parent a narcissist also tends to start an argument about the label. A list of what was said, with dates, leaves less to argue about.
What a pattern check can find
Most of what people mean by narcissistic abuse in texts falls into patterns that can be named and counted:
- Denying what was said or what happened: gaslighting.
- "Look what you made me do": blame-shifting, and its sharper form, deny, attack, then play the victim: DARVO.
- Mockery and eye-roll words: contempt.
- Cruelty, then "I'm sorry, I miss you" a day later: hoovering, often with promises that never arrive (future faking).
- Pulling other people in against you: triangulation.
- Dozens of messages in an hour: message flooding.
For how these fit together, see narcissistic manipulation tactics in texts and covert narcissism in text messages.
What to look for in any app
- It reads the whole conversation from an export, not only the messages you choose to paste.
- It shows every flagged message with its date and the messages around it, so you can check it.
- It says what it misses and how often it flags ordinary messages.
- It doesn't need your messages on its server.
- It doesn't hand out a "narcissist score" for a person.
A side-by-side of the tools people mention is in apps that check text messages for manipulation.
How to try it
For a handful of messages, paste them into the free text check. For the whole conversation, export the chat (iPhone, Android, WhatsApp, Messenger and others) and drop in the file: it is read in your browser and not uploaded, and you can read every message numbered in date order before deciding anything.
What a pattern check can't do
It reads words and timing. It can't hear tone, see what happened in person, or say what anyone meant, and like any check it misses some messages and flags some ordinary ones. Our methodology page sets out what Verity measured and where it falls short. Read every flagged message yourself before relying on it.
Where does Verity fit?
The free preview flags these patterns, shows one flagged message, and lets you read the whole conversation numbered. Paid options are one-time: the numbered list ($19), or a report quoting the flagged messages with their dates ($99 Standard, $149 Detailed).
This is general information, not legal advice or a diagnosis of anyone. If you are in danger, call 911; the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
See which patterns show up in your thread
Try the sample first, or drop in your export. It is read in your browser and is not uploaded.